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September/October 2010 Spirituality
Life as Comedy Improv: Learn to Live and Laugh

by Suzie Wolfer

One of my favorite TV shows, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, features four comedians and an irreverent moderator taking cues from the audience and making just about anything funny. Their slogan is: "Where anything can happen and usually does.”

Sound a lot like life? Where anything can happen and usually does? Only in real life, it’s not so funny.

We could learn a lot from comedy improv as we face the challenges and opportunities in everyday life. Don’t just grin and bear it — here are four ways to use improv techniques to live and laugh in your life.

1. Yes, and. Most of us approach life with "Yes, but" rather than "Yes, and." When we meet life with "Yes, and," a flat tire can become a comedy of errors. We wake up with a vague feeling of anxiety. "Yes, and how will I not get caught in the same old script, letting anxiety push me around and tell me what to do?”  A friend says, "Wow, that red color looks good on you." If you tend to brush off validation, try, "Yes, and it's a little daring to wear it today."

"Yes, and" says that we accept what ever is happening, rather than blocking, denying or trying to renegotiate “what is.” We commit fully to living life as it comes and making comedy (or at least not taking ourselves so seriously).

"Yes, and" can be a mindfulness practice to get creative with “what is,” rather than trying to fight the things with which we disagree. Like water off a duck’s back, we swim freely through life, detouring if we need to, trying a new road because yes, we can. Try it for five minutes or an hour. Or yes, be daring and try it for a day.

2. Take action and respond. This can be scary. This is where you stop playing it safe, where you are contributing to the scene by stepping up and engaging with the players in your life. Take risks, make choices, let go of waiting and engage. When we listen deeply instead of thinking, we can respond from the deep and creative reserves of the right brain, where the unexpected and the profound make life more colorful.

If you're familiar with Byron Katie and The Work, her four questions will help you step out of the script playing over and over in your life and into a new story. Who would you be without the story that you should be more productive? More kind? More organized? More healthy?

Ask and find out. Meet your story with “Yes, and.” Perhaps if you stop "should-ing" on yourself a little less, you’d feel more motivated, more alive, more connected with people, even more accepting of your body. Outside your story, you might feel happy and naturally be more kind, exercise more and reach out to others.

3. Tell the truth — be authentic. If you've ever tried improv, you know that trying to be funny doesn’t work. But when you are present and can report on what's happening in your thinking, your emotional self, even your body, it's easy to be truthful and sometimes funny. If you are present enough to be aware of another person's point of view, emotional state and body language, guess what? You are experiencing empathy — that heart melting connection between two people where life feels vital and alive.

My client Debbie came in with a powerful self defeating story: she was so damaged from her chronic work stress, she was going to have to give in to burn out and just quit. Then something interesting happened. She started telling the truth. Not confronting and attacking, but the simple truth.

"I'm getting burned out. I'm gaining weight. I yell at my kids when I get home. I hate living like this." She stopped should-ing on herself by telling herself that, "I should be able to get my work done. I shouldn't be so cranky with the kids." No more should-ing.

Instead she used the four questions. These simple but potent questions unshackle your thinking handcuffs. Byron Katie has touched millions of lives with these simple questions. Here’s how Debbie used the four questions to stop burn out from getting the best of her:

1. Is it true? I shouldn't be so discouraged and irritable? “Yes.”
2. Can I really be sure? “No, I really am discouraged.”
3. Who do I become when I believe the thought (and how do I act when I tell myself I have got to do this for 15 more years until I can retire)? “I get very cranky, exhausted, unproductive. I beat myself up and then start comparing myself to everyone else and find myself a big loser.”
4. Who would I be without the story? This last question gave Debbie a bit of trouble. In fact she burst into tears. She had never even thought outside the script of her discouraging life. Through her tears she said, "I'd be someone who was happy and creative. I'd look for another job. I'd have adventures with my kids on the weekend instead of beating myself up every waking minute.”

After a few weeks of working with question four, Debbie’s dark cloud started to lift. She became an improv worker, an improv mother, who said “Yes, and” to life as it really was, not how she thought it should be. She started thinking outside the box. She looked at her work differently. She started applying for new jobs. She teased her kids instead of yelling.

In short, she started to feel alive again. Life was starting to look a little more like an adventure.

4. There are no mistakes. Watch Line Is It Anyway? and notice how they go with the flow, how they say yes to the hot potato coming at them and throw it back. They evolve, responding to each other in the moment. They interact intimately and they take themselves lightly. They are so present, so connected that we can't help but be right there with them, laughing. No mistakes.

Like Byron Katie says, it sounds a lot like namaste. No mistake.

Suzie Wolfer, LCSW, has offered individual and group therapy in Portland for 25 years. In her private practice, she leads SoulCollage workshops. Visit www.suziewolfer.com. Learn more about Bryon Katie at www.thework.com.