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July/August 2010 Living Now
What is Your Self Worth?

by Cheryl Saban

What does worth mean to you? How do you define or assess it? Is there a general measurement of it that holds true for everyone?

Most likely, you’ve formed a conception of what self-worth and self-esteem are, but for the sake of clarity, it might be helpful to analyze these terms. We use them so often that their meaning may have lost potency.

According to the Oxford American Dictionary, worth means “sufficiently good, important or interesting to justify a specified action.” The thesaurus includes these synonyms: merit, value, excellence, caliber, quality, stature, eminence, importance, significance and distinction. Such words help synthesize what can be tricky to define in a finite way.

The following list of terms may help illuminate the concept even further:

Self-esteem: the value, respect and honor you have for yourself.

Conditions of worth: the do’s and don’ts, shoulds and shouldn’ts, that you live by in order to feel appreciated and accepted by others.

Self-concept: the organized set of perceptions and ideas you have for yourself.

Self-actualization: a principle of human behavior stating that you strive to develop your capacities and talents to the fullest — that is, growing and enhancing the basic self.

Self-efficacy: your expectation that you can effectively cope with and master situations, as well as bring about desired outcomes through personal efforts.

Social stratification: the ranking of individuals into groups within a culture.

Resilience: being able to withstand, or recover quickly from, difficult conditions.

So how do you feel about yourself? Are you your number one fan? Do you flounder along in blind acceptance of other people’s rules?

Keep in mind that our culture and environment typically stipulate markers or benchmarks for the establishment of mastery and validity. While such markers often provide the context for viability by measuring specific aptitude and/or ability for a particular undertaking (such as entrance to medical school), in other cases, cultural rituals and habits serve no greater purpose than to control our behavior.

“Groupthink,” peer pressure and media messages all exploit our vulnerabilities. They also can coerce us to believe that we’re not beautiful, smart or worthwhile unless we conform to a specific mind-set.

Take a moment now to let your mind float away from the culturally induced markers for validity. Can you resist the incessant outside editing and altering that society subjects you to and see the incredible person you are inside? Can you feel validated and valued? Will you grant yourself that level of respect? Understand that when you recognize your innate worth, you’re more inclined to strive to fulfill your potential, and having done that, you will be happy.

Women who are successful exude a sense of confidence in themselves. One of the things such individuals have in common is their ability to harness their own thoughts and behaviors — they bring a great deal of personal intention to their lives. They realize that they’re the directors of their own destinies and therefore take a positive stance as they look forward. They’re happy people — by happy, I’m referring to an experience of contentment, joy or positive well-being. It’s the sense that life is generally good, meaningful and worthwhile.

Are you in that place? Do you think you can create that kind of life for yourself? Specialists in the field of psychology and behavior say that you can.

The first step in acknowledging and accessing your worth, value and sense of fulfillment is to take an honest personal assessment. Set aside some quiet time where you can have privacy and think.

Now take out your journal and a pen, and answer the following questions:

An assessment of who you are and where you stand is vital to your ability to function freely in the world. Be creative, and assess yourself with flair. Does this sound frivolous to you? It shouldn’t, for it’s a joyful recognition of who you are. By evaluating and recognizing your abilities, you validate yourself, and you need to be able to do that before anyone else can validate you.

FYI: when you assess and validate yourself, you’re accepting the truth about who you are. This is not a form of surrender, although your insecure mind may take you to that conclusion temporarily. Please resist that. Accept your assessment as intentional recognition — which actually sounds more like power and self-determination than surrender. When you can accept yourself as an individual, you become even more credible as a participant in the collective.

Cheryl Saban, Ph.D., is the author of What Is Your Self-Worth? A Woman’s Guide to Validation. Visit www.whatisyourselfworth.com. Excerpted with permission by Hay House at www.hayhouse.com.