May/June 2009 Spirituality
Karma Teens

by Mark Hughes

Today's teenager is given greater freedoms than any other generation of teens before. Most have cell phones, many of them have laptops and almost all of them demand greater freedom, but don't want the responsibility of the consequences.

Teens live in a fast-paced society where the Dewey decimal system has been replaced by Google.com. They live in an immediate world, basing their choices on immediate gratification without reflection. Often this immediacy leads to poor decisions and regrettable outcomes. As a result, parents like to ease teens' pain by making decisions for them, which removes teenagers from the process of thoughtful consideration. As a result, teens take for granted their liberties and do little to assume the responsibility for their behavior.

The key to raising teens is empowering them to make their own decisions. That starts with helping them to understand some basic principles of karma, the science of cause and effect.

Karma is simply the understanding that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. As we make decisions and engage in activities, we need to learn how to create favorable results. The challenge with today's teenager is that we, as parents, don't give them the opportunity to learn this powerful lesson. We let our teens escape the lessons of karma by allowing them to escape their responsibility of personal decision making.

How often do we ask our children to reflect on the moral considerations of right and wrong actions(not values) and what consequences can occur with decisions that don't consider the science of cause and effect? The sooner our children learn the power of reflection and are able to dissect how their negative experiences were influenced by faulty decision making, the better prepared they will be for the real world once they leave home.

I know that as a parent I find it much easier to give in than to reason with my teenager's ambition to be on the move, entertained all the time. I also know when I give in, it's driven by my desire for my child to be happy. We may not like it, but we must be ready for the heat when we demand that they slow down and take a moment to make a sound decision on their own.

Our children want boundaries. Have we clearly defined them in a collective process together?

One important step you can take as a parent is to develop mutually agreed upon family guiding principles. These predetermined principles are used in making sound decisions, such as safety, harming others, moral, legal and other issues. If teens participate in the development of the guiding principles, they are more likely to adhere to them. Without your teenager's buy-in, you have an uphill battle.

Encourage your teen to start with a foundation of family values that supports the notion, "How is this decision moving you toward our family values or moving you away from them?"

I understand that many teens don't care much about establishing family values. Instead, consider how you can bridge your family values with the teen's goals and desires. It looks like this: "By using our family values as a starting point, how does this decision move you toward your personal goals or away from them?"

If you can suggest that these family principles reinforce the notion of karma and will offer a greater probability of success, your teen might just listen and understand how powerful karma can be in making sound decisions in their lives.

Mark Hughes, a parent and teen life coach, is the founder of the Oregon-based Karma Institute. Hughes holds workshops and speaks nationally on parenting teens, hiring Millennials, divorce recovery and overcoming adversity. Visit www.karmainstitute.org.