January/February 2009 This I Believe
Christ Would Not Use a Credit Card
by Saundra Valentine
I am living a nightmare in my mind created by my finances. I am an unemployed Realtor. For the past nine months I have been living off of savings and using a credit card whenever I can. My savings are gone and my credit cards are maxed out.
I awake each morning to this nightmare: an extreme level of fear that explodes from my core, and floods my mind and body with trauma. It triggers a core unconscious ego wound - my ability to take care of myself.
This morning as I awoke, I heard an inner voice that reminded me that this fear is leading me, guiding me, and that within the bigger picture, it is teaching me something. And then I heard a voice say, "Christ would not use a credit card."
It registered: Jesus Christ, and the Christ within me, my original self, the I before the credit card days - lives in the present. The present, expressed in the form of money, is pay as you go. The credit card lives in the future - pay tomorrow.
Using a credit card is living in a dream world, an ongoing future that is endless, that never allows the present to be. Using a credit card can become an addiction and an unconscious act to sustain a world that is an illusion.
To wake up from this dream, I had to first experience a complete financial melt down that took me to the deepest level of fear in my ego - financial survival. In going through the fear, I was then able to see the illusion of this fear, which left me with the reality of now.
- Saundra Valentine, Valentine's Real Estate Services