July/August 2008 Living Now
Summer Love

by Vicky Thompson

Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a match. Find me a find. Catch me a catch. In the warm days of summer, the desire for love heats up. Can modern-day matchmaking be a way to find your soul mate? Lara Rose Wood of Heart Song Matchmakers thinks so. Like a personal trainer, today's matchmaker gives you an inside track on dating.

Q. The term matchmaker can bring up images from The Fiddler on the Roof. What is the modern matchmaker all about?

A. In The Fiddler on the Roof, the matchmaker would pick someone for you, someone they thought you should be with. Back then, the match had to do with your family and positioning yourself in society. Modern-day matchmaking has so many facets. The modern matchmaker takes down a lot of information about who you are, and as an objective observer, finds someone you are going to be happy with. This is a niche, so you are positioning people with similar values. And that's really important in relationships.

Q. How does matchmaking work?

A. The traditional matchmaking that I do is different from online matchmaking. Traditional matchmaking varies from matchmaker to matchmaker. But the type of matchmaking I do is traditional where you sit down and have a consultation with the client using an 11-page questionnaire. I take the time to really talk to the client. I even do a background check, so it's really extensive information. Sometimes you even ask for referrals, and you can do a home visit depending on the situation and the person.

Q. What type of questions do you ask during the consultation?

A. You start with general information such as, "Have you been married?" and "Do you have children?" You take notes on the client's physical appearance. You then ask about preferences for the physical appearance of potential mates, as well as occupation, income and education. I ask about the lifestyle of the client, including daily diet, entertainment choices, family, relationships, friends. I focus on the personal growth of the client, including what are your practices, your teachers, your core values, spiritual beliefs, religion. I also go into life goals, sexual orientation, past relationships, what strengths you bring to a relationship, what weaknesses you have, what you want to change. Also we talk about what is romantic to you. I get into very specific information.

Q. You also offer relationship coaching?

A. Relationship coaching can be separate or an added benefit to matchmaking. Relationship coaching provides support during the dating process. Let's say you have someone who has been married for a long time and they are now going into the dating scene. Or your may have someone who has a hard time with the dating scene, period. The relationship coach looks at patterns with potential partners. After the date, you can talk about the experience, and what does and doesn't work.

Q. Let's say you have a woman who has not been successful in dating experiences. How would you coach her through the process?

A. In the initial consultation, we would look at the pattern and what she thinks is blocking her from meeting the right person. It could be a lot of different things. For successful career women, part of it has to do with time. Where do you meet people? And then set up the first introduction to a potential person for a first date in a public environment. Some people just want to do events, like a group of vegetarians for example, that are single.

Q. Do you think that everyone has a soul mate?

A. I don't necessarily see it as you only have one soul mate. A soul mate would be someone who would encompass a deeper, satisfying relationship. Finding a soul mate means that you're very conscious in your process of finding a mate. Many times we're not deliberate and focused.

Q. Does a matchmaker help you to be more focused in finding a mate?

A. Having a matchmaker is like having a personal trainer. You can go to the gym and work out. Sometimes having a personal trainer is helpful. Matchmaking is the not only way, but it can be helpful.

Learn more about matchmaking at www.heartsongmatchmakers.com.