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September/October 2007 Living Now
Think Again: New Money Choices, Old Money Myths

by Karen Ramsey

If you struggle over your personal finances, chances are you are caught in a web of myths about money. These myths seem like obvious truths until we begin to question them. I can't do or buy something because I don't have the money is one myth.  I have to save, save, save is another. Or perhaps you believe the myth It is selfish to spend money on myself.

Money should be a tool, not a trap. It should increase the sense of growth and possibility in our lives, not diminish it through work we don't like, expectations we can't live up to, or attitudes we have been conditioned by. Do the choices you make about money generate satisfaction in your life or stress? Does your relationship to money give you more time to do what you love, or less? Does making money in your life open doors or shut them?

As a financial planner, time and again I have seen people's faulty perceptions about money define a world for them that is self-limiting, stress-ridden, and out of touch with the needs of their deepest self. I love seeing the look on a client's face as one of their myths shatters: You mean I don't have to take on a mortgage? You mean I can raise my rates enough to support myself? You mean I can already afford to retire? I love showing them how a little structure, or a new of way of thinking, or a single important conversation, can turn a stifling situation into an empowering plan.

To raise awareness, I encourage people to reexamine the way they think about money, including these three of our culture's most common and debilitating myths.

Myth: More money will make me happier

This is the greatest myth, that money will make us happier and the more we have, the happier we will be. We get stuck in the idea that more money will give us more freedom, more time, and more peace of mind. And yet that's not true. I have seen extremely rich people who are miserable and enslaved by their wealth.  And I have counseled hundreds who have adequate incomes but who feel they never have enough, and are burned out by the chronic feeling that they can never get ahead. They are anything but happy.

One super wealthy person explained to me once that, though she could fly to Paris for lunch in a private plane without causing so much as a blip on the screen of her financial profile, she was isolated from real relationships, controlled by the demands of managing her wealth, and never even allowed the "luxury" of having a bad day, because few people could empathize with someone who could buy anything she wanted. Her level of wealth is rare, but her words were clear proof to me that more money does not mean more happiness.

The truth is, once you have met your basic financial needs, then you already have enough to find happiness, which ultimately comes from within. In personal financial management, the place to start is with a realistic perspective. Money can only improve the quality of your life when it is used with clarity and in harmony with your core values, the things you most genuinely care about.

It's deeply gratifying to see people begin to align their money decisions with their values. One client came to a quiet conviction one night gazing out the window of a plane when he realized that the absence from his growing children was not worth the extra money a recent promotion would earn him, and he turned it down. He had seen through the second myth in this discussion.

Myth: I will be satisfied later

Setting aside money for later enjoyment is obviously a good idea, but setting aside your passion to enjoy later is a recipe for frustration and regret. Making more money won't in itself make you happy, and often requires sacrificing time you could be spending on what you care about more. Don't put your passions off. How can you bring more satisfaction into your life now?

Marsha is a client of mine. She had worked for an airline for almost 30 years, but decided to start making room for a long-held passion, acting. At 57 she began taking acting classes, learning about analyzing scripts, projecting her voice and applying makeup. She continued with the airlines, but also hired an acting agent. Within a few years, with her striking presence and gorgeous gray hair, she was in such demand for commercials that she eventually left the airlines to do acting and modeling full time. She took small steps toward her real passion and it eventually took on a life of its own. She could have stayed with her old job, and it may have been a better decision from a strictly financial point of view, but following her passion is infinitely more satisfying for her than asking for the millionth time "Do you want decaf or regular?"

Jackie, another client, was a middle-school teacher. Everyone loved her - kids, parents, colleagues-but she found herself getting restless and just going through the motions. She listened to that restlessness, left teaching, and joined forces with her partner, an artist, to begin expanding their art business. Her income is now higher than it was as a teacher and going to work is a joy. Jackie is one who saw through the third myth in this discussion.

Myth: I don't like my job but I can't afford to leave it

We have been conditioned to think of work as a burden, and we put up with far too much dissatisfaction and boredom because we think it's just the nature of work. But it is not a farfetched idea to find work that suits you - really suits you.

I'm not saying to naively "follow your bliss and the money will follow." Impulsive decisions can lead to miserable consequences. But there are many ways to move towards what satisfies and empowers you. If your job is draining the life energy out of you, it is time to start paying closer attention to what gives you energy.

Aaron tried out many careers and found them all unfulfilling. Finally, in his 40s, he simply admitted that work itself was not a passion in his life, but that developing a spiritual life was. So he settled for a job in a small firm with people he enjoys, but made his spiritual life more central to his everyday outlook. His inner work altered the way he views his outer work, and now his job is a source of satisfaction, not because he loves the field, but because his change of focus to spiritual wholeness is something that he can infuse into whatever he does.

Marcie took the skills she got working in a major law firm and applied them instead to running a nonprofit that teaches computer literacy to inner-city kids. Charley owns a successful medical supply company, but is taking steps to move into something that he really lights up about-winemaking! He may not make as much money, but it will enrich his life-the people, the sensory nature of the process, the life and color of winemaking-more than his other business ever could.

We live in a consumer society, and are bombarded daily with messages about money. We struggle to keep up. But if you can begin to see through the myths, you can stop struggling. Put aside the old money myths of conventional wisdom and find your own truth.

Karen Ramsey is author of Think Again: New Money Choices, Old Money Myths. She is a certified financial planner professional and leader of a workshop called Caring for Your Soul in Matters of Money. She is rated among Seattle Magazine's best in client satisfaction wealth managers in 2007. Visit www.karenramsey.com.