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July/August 2007 Spirituality
Learning from a Child's Wisdom

by Mallika Chopra

Mallika Chopra

I was having a particularly rough day, facing a number of challenges with my various professional projects. The pressure was building up, and finally I just snapped by fighting for no reason with my brother, father and husband. I was demanding and rude and blaming them for things they had not done. (I work with my brother and my father, Deepak Chopra, and well, my husband is my husband.)

After I had some time to think about my reaction, I recalled telling my daughter Tara the day before to use her words when she was frustrated. And I had to admit that I was forgetting to use my own words and instead, letting all the frustration build up inside of me.

When we were young and got upset about something, my father would wait until we got out of our agitated state before addressing the issue at hand. As we grew older, he articulated a process for nonviolent communication that was very useful to me. It incorporated a process of evaluating a feeling, identifying a need, determining how to fulfill that need, and then communicating that need and vulnerability to the relevant person.

When I reflected on this process, I realized that, in essence, I was asking my children on a daily basis to use their words and tell me what they wanted. And my children generally did a pretty good job of articulating their feelings and needs. In fact, they probably did a better job than most adults, including myself. Indeed, couldn't one say that many conflicts stemmed from not using our words and expressing our needs early on?

If my goal as a mother and as an individual was to nurture a peaceful society for my family, it was important for me to keep using my words, rather than let the pressure build to the tipping point. The first step was to apologize to those I loved for taking out my frustration on them. And then I made a commitment to articulate my needs both to myself and those around me so that we could interact in a more loving, harmonious and effective manner.

Mallika Chopra, author of 100 Questions From My Child, is a media entrepreneur and producer. She is the creative force and architect of www.intentblog.com, a popular website that features blogs by Mallika, her father (Deepak Chopra) and many others. Reprinted with permission by Rodale Books.