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March/April 2005 Spirituality
Wisdom From a Higher Plane

by Candace Doyle

Fearing a Broken Heart

I am in the process of getting divorced and have met a very wonderful man who touches my soul. I am scared of a relationship because of a fear of not being perfect, and my main fear is that of a broken heart. I am wondering how this relationship will work out and how I should handle it so that no feelings will be hurt. I want to be with this man. Will I be? Will it be a forever relationship? Thank you.
--Maggie

You ask how to have this relationship without any feelings being hurt. Well, you will have to roll yourself up in cotton batting, lock yourself up in a closet and not have contact with anyone or anything, and then not allow your mind to think any thoughts. Perhaps then, with a little luck, you may not have your feelings hurt, and yet, even that is probably not possible.

So, in the prospect of beginning a relationship, what you must do is expect and look forward to the opportunity to have your feelings hurt so that you can come to know yourself better, know the areas where you are challenged and pray that those places become healed and whole and filled with faith and love rather than fear, as they are now. To have a fear of your heart breaking will allow you first and foremost to focus on your heart breaking rather than to focus on your heart opening and allowing more love, more joy, and more capacity for love to be within you.

The fear of a broken heart is what will create a broken heart. Nothing else can actually do it. You can be abandoned, abused, violated, unloved, rejected, and none of that need cause you to have a broken heart; it is how you handle the experience as to whether or not you will experience a broken heart. You can also have lots of love, support, and kindness in your life and still walk around believing that your heart is broken or will be broken. It is strictly your perspective and your experience of this situation that will cause you to have a broken heart or not.

To want to be with this man is one thing and to have it be what is best for you may be something different altogether. For you, the most important thing is to pray only for that which is in your highest good and to avoid the prayers that specifically ask to be with this person forever. You cannot focus on or worry about the future. It is something that is ever-changing based on your own evolution and where you are in your life. Something may be perceived as forever and then you could shift your perspective in an afternoon and change the course of your life entirely. The future is not important; it is the now that is important. How do you perceive now? How do you love now? How open are you now to that which is for your highest good? Allow yourself to pray for peace and openness within your own heart so that you can receive and give love in the ways that you truly desire. That is your birthright, and if you truly want it, it will be done.

Inspired by A Course in Miracles, Candace Doyle has been hearing and sharing the Voice of the Holy Spirit within her as a discernible, conversational Voice for over 10 years. Candace and her husband, DavidPaul, are the authors of The Journey That Never Was, a guide to hearing God’s Voice regardless of one’s faith, religion, or personal beliefs. For more information or to submit a question, visit their website at www.rightmindedness.com.