January/February 2004 Living Now
Unmasking The Hero

by Darrel W. Eacret, Ph.D.

"All I want is a warm bed and a kind word, and unlimited power." With these words, humorist Ashleigh Brilliant expresses the challenges of being a modern male navigating through contemporary culture – how can a man experience safety, security, and love while being effective, dynamic, and influential. In the intensely competitive environment that most men experience it can be hard to believe that being vulnerable while navigating toward the next success is really possible. Considering the notion of allowing one’s whole self to be revealed in the face of potential judgment, rejection and "one-up-man-ship" seems risky. Because of this perceived risk, men hesitate at the thought of "unmasking" in the presence of other men.

At the same time, contemporary men are invited by wives, lovers, children and sometimes employers, to engage more fully (mind, body, heart and soul) in relationships, potential vocations and personal growth. These invitations often come without the tutoring, mentoring, teaching, support, and guidance necessary to engage fully; thus men’s’ response to these invitations is usually quite inhibited. Myths and stories of the past that men may hold in high regard cannot create personal destiny. This destiny can only be reached through the collaboration of the authentic self with the Divine.

Viewed in a deeper context, Brilliant’s phrase may also be seen to reveal an expanded consciousness. From this perspective it becomes clear that he (and I believe other men as well) is seeking greater support in three primary areas: The inner-self, community, and the essence of the Universe. If a man begins by "unmasking" internally, he begins to contact all the potentials of his authentic self; the ones he has historically avoided seeing as well as the ones he finds more acceptable. This internal "unmasking" requires self compassion and trust and is the foundation for his ability to enhance the second potential: community support. Effective support from his community includes "kind words" that enable him to make choices in relationships, work, and other activities that engage compassion, wisdom, acceptance, and understanding. .

While developing the two aforementioned processes, the contemporary male must also focus on aligning with an "unlimited power" which has the full potential of creative collaboration - the essence of Life and the Universe. Because his authentic self was created from this essence, it is through attuning his consciousness and functioning to the guidance experienced in the harmonious communion between this self and the Essence of life, that he will feel the support of an "unlimited power." Easier said than done. This power is like the power of Love - if one focuses on the power, one never gets there because that would not be love. Yet, if one focuses totally on love, the power of love manifests in the heart. This same truth applies to authentic "unlimited power." If one focuses on gaining power, one will fail. But, if one focuses on being authentic, the unlimited power of the Universe will support this because that is what one has come here for. Paradoxically, this gift of unlimited power requires the willingness to be vulnerable and powerless (totally unmasked). It is at these times, while relying solely on faith in the compassion and wisdom of the Universe, that one can achieve the unlimited power that is sought.

The totality of these processes is parallel to what pioneering psychologist Carl Jung identified as the process of "individuation." Abraham Maslow referred to it as "Self Actualization." Other learned psychologists have described this process in a variety of ways. Regardless of how it is described or named, it is essential to the fulfillment of personal human growth and purpose. Many times such efforts call upon personal fortitude and courage - the characteristics of all "heroes." This process is most effectively accomplished through the support of a men’s group, a personal counselor, a spiritual coach or any combination of these resources. Regardless of the resources utilized, the unmasked hero will have "a warm bed" in his soul, "a kind word" from his spiritual community, and "unlimited power" through the synchronicity and grace of the Universe.

Darrel W. Eacret, PhD is the Director of Counseling Services at Living Enrichment Center, Wilsonville, OR, and is a full time counseling therapist. In addition to supporting adults, teens, children, couples and families in their personal healing processes, he has facilitated numerous men’s groups. Contact Darrel at dancingeagle-5@juno.com.