September/October 2003 Living Now
Principles for Perfecting Relationships

by Guy Finley

Guy Finley

Have you ever been so upset, so disturbed by someone, that if you didn't lash out at them, you were sure the whole world would come crashing down on you? When you and I get upset with someone or life, our attention is instantly glued onto the source of our irritation. All we do is think about the irritation we have and how it's connected to what someone else has done.

 When you're upset with someone or something, you have no consciousness of yourself at all. You are only conscious of what you say he, she, or it is making you feel. You are completely outwardly oriented in order to justify your inward excitement.

 At the moment you see a person or an event as being responsible for this irritation, what you are actually seeing is your experience of the moment. So really what you're experiencing isn't the person, but the content of your own past experience in its narrow confines.

 This is the moment where it becomes possible to access the Truth (Love) by reversing your attention. Instead of placing all of the "consideration" on the person outside of you, turn your attention around and place your awareness entirely on yourself. Stand fast in the light of what you see about yourself before you turn that light on another person. Before you talk about the mote in that person's eye, take the beam out of your own. Instead of lashing out, come aware of your own reaction, and as best you know how, simultaneously drop the reaction by reversing your attention in the moment that you're upset.

 We can find an apt spiritual metaphor for this exercise in the movie "Zorro," where there is a swordsman's circle that Zorro instructs his disciple about in this way: "Stay in your circle. Don't go outside the circle for any reason whatsoever, because if you'll stay in your circle, what you need will come to you, and then because you have remained in your circle, you will be able to deal with it on your terms."

 Not going outside your circle means staying in the space of your own life. Leave the other person's space alone; it's not your business. They can't learn the lesson their space provides them (and the truth that's there) if you are in their circle, pushing on it. And what's more, the only reason you are in their circle is because you can't bear being alone in your own! Stay in the circle, don't go out, and you'll see that fantastic things happen. If you would learn to serve Truth first before you try to straighten out each other, then in the very attempt to do that, you would be given the Godly life that you are intended to have.

 How do you serve Truth first? By daring to intend this Truth, intend this Love, intend the understanding you have, and as you intend it, be willing to stay in that spot where you can't find who you are and you can't say who the other person is. Then Truth tells you everything, because you've placed yourself where it's possible for Truth to make the connection with you. This raises you instantaneously to a new level, to the Truth that always had been waiting for you inside of your experiences with others.

Guy Finley is the best-selling author of 20 books and tape albums on self-transformation, which have sold over a million copies and have been translated into twelve languages. For information about Guy Finley's books, booklets, tapes, and helpful on-going study groups call (541) 476-1200 or visit www.guyfinley.com where you can also sign up to receive a free weekly Key Lesson.