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March/April 2003 Spirituality |
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| Craig Bowman |
James awakens with vigor and a sense of purpose. To his surprise, he cannot recall the content of his lengthy journal entry of the night before. James retrieves the journal, and leafing quickly through, comes to the beginning of a description of his recurring dream that he has often described before in his journal but with little depth. In the dream, James is surrounded by some of his now deceased platoon members urging him to jump from a plane. He is always struck by the warmth and encouragement he felt from his friends before his tough exploratory mission. In more recent accounts of the dream, James found the strangest aspect to be the fact that everyone was now in a large zeppelin. They were wearing dunce caps, smiling widely, and yelling, "Happy Birthday!" as he jumped into the unknown. James realizes with anticipation that the rest of last night’s journal entry is a detailed description of the dream as if he were living it.
"…I am in a huge ship. This ship has no crew, nor Captain, but there seems to be some sort of hierarchy of literally millions of individuals. There are different levels or bridges to the ship, yet people have access to its entirety. The walls of the ship have sentience and they respond to the energy of those nearby. Despite the size of population and space, everyone has an instinctual knowing and respect of one another. Communication does not require the use of the voice, only thought, and there is an overwhelming feeling that this is home.
"Those on board can travel with the quickness of thought to any corner of the ship. At closer look, individuals look different. There are variations of human form. The most striking differences are between those who appear to be separated in the hierarchy. Those with more personal power are lighter. Their bodies have less form, and they appear to glow with wisdom, experience, and compassion. Sometimes however, there does not seem to be a distinction at all between individuals. There are times when all thought, experience, and feeling, are shared by the sum of all. These are incredible periods of joy, creativity, and love.
"Time does not exist but it seems as though I have been on the ship for many human years. Experiences are happening all at once and immediately. My energy is dispersed into different categories based on purpose. And although there is the sense that everyone is part of the family, there seem to be units of beings with whom I spend more time, perform work, and feel more bonded. We also tend to look more similar. I associate with approximately two hundred of these beings for this particular flight. And an even smaller group of individuals are with me for more time. These are the ones I feel very close to. It is within this small group of approximately fifty beings that much work and planning is accomplished. The overriding emotion felt during these planning missions, is that of wonderful anticipation and empowerment. In comparison, boundless freedom and the joy of sharing memories and knowledge characterize experiences with all others. At times it feels like a grand high school reunion, and at other times, it is pure expansion of the mind and senses…"
James’s heart pounded as he continued to read from the journal. The story sounds strange to him yet feels as though it is his truth. He shakes his head in wonder as he comes to the end of the entry:
"…It is time for the planned leap. Everyone is surrounding me with love, support, and honor. I feel praised by the highest beings as someone embarking upon something of great significance. With eyes closed I jump into deep black space. As I fall I feel myself becoming heavier, denser, and more isolated. I am leaving home. I suddenly remember going through this very same process hundreds of times before, but the feeling of anticipation and excitement is quickly changing. As I fall, I am forgetting where I come from and am now feeling less sure of what I am. I am confused, cut off, and lost. I awaken from a very long period of stupor, my tiny body is wet, and I am kicking and screaming. I am in a strange world of form. My thoughts, feelings, and reactions are too numerous to understand. Only one thing makes sense. And that is the look in the eye of a large being that is holding me and looking my way. This compassionate eye evokes a feeling of unity, remembrance, and wholeness."
With a faint smile on his face, James closes the book.
Craig W. Bowman, MA, M.S.W. is an East-West Psychotherapist offering supportive counseling for individuals and couples. He facilitates a variety of classes/groups in the Portland area. He can be reached at 503-702-2202 or at awakeningtheself@aol.com