Read

November/December 2002 Spirituality
The Toltec Path

by Kelsey Bunker

Imagine the life you are leading is just a dream. Imagine everything you believe is real is not. Now imagine that some time, maybe even before you were born, you were infected with a virus–a virus that turned your body into a convenient food source for an unseen parasite. This particular alien parasite uses your negative emotions to suck the life force out of you. Every time you experience anger, jealousy, envy, you create a feast for the parasite. The virus you were infected with changes all of your thoughts from ones based on love to ones based on fear. You are drained like a battery, and the parasite becomes stronger, exercising greater and greater control over your life.

Imagine one day you get an inkling about what is really going on, or maybe you sense that something isn’t quite right about your life. How do you go about changing something you don’t even understand? From the Toltec point of view, you adapt the mentality of the jaguar. You must become a skilled hunter. The parasite is your prey, but before you can capture it, your must discover everything you can about how it operates.

Let’s say you don’t understand you are a food source for this creature that isn’t you, but you know something is amiss. Your first clue that things are not as they should be is that you don’t feel right. Maybe you are unhappy, depressed or simply feel uneasy. These states of being are not our natural state. When we feel this way, it is the higher Self crying out for our attention. The higher Self says look here, look into this dark corner and see what you are creating.

The virus we are infected with uses words to spread its poison. The very words we use to communicate with and connect with others. The very words we use to express ourselves. The parasite has no shame. It will use any belief, any thought to create drama and negativity. You can feel its effects. After an angry outburst or fit of jealousy, you feel drained. Truly, your life force has diminished. You have given your power away to this unseen parasite that rules your life. Being impeccable with your word is one of your first tools for hunting.

Another tool is to connect with our feelings. The physical sensations you experience in your body whenever you have an emotional reaction. What you feel is always true. This is a very important point. The reasons why you feel something may not be true. The beliefs we have give rise to certain emotional responses based on our past experiences. When a belief is triggered by an event, we have a predictable emotional response. This response over and over creates our habitual reactions. This is why we often find ourselves in the same situation, but with different players.

When you are feeling upset, uneasy, or unforgiving, you can be assured the parasite is at work. Asking yourself questions can bring about an opening. A space from which you can see the parasite at work. A space from which you can chose your actions. Questions like: "What can this situation teach me?" "How does this reaction serve me?" "When have I felt like this before?" can help you detach from the situation at hand and understand a little more about how you operate. Simply noticing your behavior is a great act of personal power. When you observe yourself objectively, you begin to gain back the energy you have so freely given away.

Our natural state of being is one of happiness and joy. This does not mean we should not experience anger or fear. When a parent dies, your spouse leaves, your child gets sick, or you lose your job. Sadness, anger and fear are all natural reactions to something that has happened to you. What is not natural is to hang on to those emotions and relive them again and again, year after year. Hanging onto those emotions is exactly what the parasite wants. You give your power away, and it feasts. When you are feeling sadness, anger, fear, grief, or loss, you can actually gain power by allowing them to move through your body. There is nothing "wrong" with experiencing those emotions. The physical body is an amazing tool. It will process everything that is thrown at it, if you allow it. Attaching to a sensation, attaching to the story behind the sensation, attaching to a judgment about the sensation will generate sustenance for the parasite. One of your greatest tools as a hunter is acceptance of what is.

The parasite can be redeemed. It can learn to live on a diet of love. However this retraining takes time, patience and most of all love for yourself in your process. There really is no place to go and nothing to do, but it takes a great deal of going and doing to come to this awareness, and this is just part of the process. It just is.

Kelsey Bunker is an apprentice with don Miguel Ruiz and currently teaches classes in the Portland area on the Four Agreements. For more information call 503/288-4229 or email b1kelsey@aol.com.