March/April 2002 Alternative Health
Using Your Sexual Energy for Healing

by Paula Noël, Ph.D.

Paula Noel
I have reached a time in my life where I understand how to work with my gifts to heal my body. I was officially diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in August. The neurologist told my parents and I that there was a 95% chance I would be in a wheelchair in 30 years. He gave me the choice of three drugs for the suppression of my white blood cells attacking the nerve cells in my brain. I wanted to know about nutrition, exercise and lifestyle. He referred me to someone else. He was just present to give me a diagnosis. I was angry with him. I could not accept that the only form of therapy he suggested is the injection of a drug for the rest of my life.

I decided to take matters into my own hands. I remembered the man in crutches that I met one day while waiting for a doctor appointment. He told me, “You be the director, you take charge of your illness.” Instead of carrying my anger from the neurologist around, I let it let go and remembered the words, “You be the director”. I am now in charge of my health and my healing.

I also know that by asserting my self-healing, I am tested and challenged to experience the strength of my commitment. Family members, friends and some with MS struggle with why I choose not to take the drugs. They are concerned and in fear, which comes across as constant nagging as to why I should take the MS drugs. I know that they love and care, yet they do not understand the journey I have embarked upon.

I am 32 years old, and since I can remember I have been informed of what to do in my life by my dreams. I have spent the past ten years studying, traveling and researching the healing of my western mind, my physical body and the feelings of loneliness for spirit. I have an approach to healing that I have learned from many elders, healers and indigenous people, and I pray. I understand that my family, friends or the neurologist have not had the experiences I have. I feel compassion for them, let go of my anger and move on with my healing…my self-healing.

I am healing myself. The energy that heals me is my sexual energy, also called Kundalini energy. A couple of months ago, I registered for a course in Qi Gong at OCOM. When I learned how to move the energy in my body I instantly understood. I just needed to know what to do with the energy and I now know. I intuitively knew that all the sexual energy I felt as a child and young woman had a purpose. The purpose is that I heal my body with it. I know my body has always known this, my mind just didn’t know what to do. When it received the instruction, my mind directly channeled the sexual energy throughout my body and bathed my brain, nervous and immune system. My balance, coordination and nerve pain has lessened. I have also healed herpes with this technique. I have learned to redirect the sexual energy to where it belongs.

Understanding how to move the energy through my body is the first step. The second is knowing that with learning anything there is a challenge involved in letting go of the pattern of how I expressed my sexual energy in the past. I heard once how we act out based on patterns of memory. I remembered a memory of my sexual energy in my past and I could see a woman who used her sexual energy to manipulate and control others to get them into bed. I thought if I was having sex like everyone else I was “normal”. When I came into the understanding of how sexual energy is healing energy for the body, I had to release my past of expressing my sexual energy to get something and redirect it to heal my body and the MS.

I chose to address head-on my experiences of physical and verbal abuse, and control and manipulation. I forgave myself and I opened to having compassion for myself knowing that these experiences have led me to the knowing that this energy is sacred and healing. These experiences that I perceived of as negative, bad or wrong have become my healing. I know in this moment that my sexual healing is my self-healing.

I now practice directing my sexual energy through my body from what I learned through Qi Gong. When my sexual energy arises I notice it. Instead of projecting it out to another person to get their attention, I direct it into my hands, down to my toes up my spine and into my nervous system straight for the lesions in my brain that cause symptoms of MS. I put my hand on my heart and tell myself, “You are healing yourself. This is how you heal your body.”

(This article is dedicated to all the brave and open women at the Women of Wisdom retreat I participated with while writing this article.)

Paula Noël, Ph.D. lives locally in Portland healing, writing articles, and translating her dissertation into a book. She can be reached at: 503.788.1396, email: paulanoel@yahoo.com