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January/February 2002 Living Now
The Energetic Aftermath of A Relationship

by Keith Sherwood

Relationships can be difficult even at the best of times because human beings are so complex. The Tantrics are fond of saying that human beings are, “the universe in microcosm.” They’re right, of course! Not only do human beings exist on a multitude of dimensions (both conscious and unconscious) but each partner brings his/her own Karmic baggage along with them into each new relationship. Karmic baggage is the energetic sediment in the form of ideas, beliefs, emotions, feelings and sensations a person carries with them from one lifetime to another.

Karmic energy can be heavy, dense, self-limiting. It can restrict love, intimacy, block bliss and even cause fatigue, depression, anxiety and self-doubt. When Karmic energy overwhelms the human energy system, it can even cause physical disease. Even worse, karmic energy can become a weapon by being projected by one partner to the other in the form of waves and/or arrows on the level of spirit, soul and mind.

The effect of karmic projections can be particularly intense and destructive in romantic relationships especially when one of the partners is overtly controlling, needy, motivated primarily by desire and/or fear or wants to change, manipulate or coerce the other partner into changing or being what they want.

Karl Jung once said, ‘where there is the will to power, there is an absence of love.’ I would say, the projection of karmic energy within partnership destroys love and precludes intimacy.

If a former partner has projected modified energy into your energy field, all you are left with after the end of the relationship are the obsessive compulsive feelings, which are the residue of their earlier projections.

To understand how these projections can cause symptoms such as thinking about the former partner obsessively and feeling a strong pull to get back together (even if you were the one to break off the relationship and realize that the relationship was self-destructive and negative), you must first understand a little about subtle energy.

On the subtle planes of soul, mind and spirit there are two kinds of energy - unmodified energy, (prana, aprana, chi and the kundalini-sakti) and modified energy, energy with qualities. Unmodified energy radiates like the sun (on saint and sinner alike). It can’t be projected by the human will and/or ego. And when there's a sufficient amount within a person’s energy system, it radiates as unconditional joy and permits complete freedom of expression.

Modified energy is quite different. It has qualities. On the emotional level where you are most likely feeling the ”pull,” modified energy runs the whole spectrum of emotions, both positive and negative from pleasure to pain, joy to despair.

Given enough time, modified energy will collect in a person’s auric field and as pressure increases it will be laid down as karmic sediment on the surface of body space. It is this karmic sediment (samskaras and vasanas) which over time blocks unconditional joy from emerging from the ‘Self’ and which is carried from one lifetime to another.

The ego and lower human mind are composed of many waves of modified energy. When human passion is high, a person can become attached to karmic energy already in their energy field. They can then project it to the object of their love, desire and/or need either consciously or unconsciously.

The modified energy projected will then intrude into the energy field of the person targeted. The energy entering the host's energy field has the signature of the dominant feeling of the person projecting it. This means that once the projected energy has entered the host’s energy field, s-he will begin to feel the feelings of the perpetrator and obsess in the same way as the perpetrator sometimes long after the relationship has ended.

Anyway, if in fact, a former partner has projected modified energy into your energy field, you’re still connected to them energetically. And as long as the former partner's energy remains stuck in your energy field, you’ll stay connected to them and feel their feelings and emotions and perhaps even think their thoughts. Transference of this sort is very common and obviously very confusing to people who are on the receiving end.

However, these obsessive feelings do not emerge from the recipient’s energy field. Authentic feelings and emotions emerge from the chakras. By paying close attention to your energy system, you will notice that obsessive feelings emerge from outside your body space from the auric field that surrounds you. This indicates that they reflect the past not the present and were foisted upon you by someone else.

To overcome their effect you must sever the link that connects you to your former partner on the subtle levels of energy and consciousness.

You can do this by making sure your boundaries are strong, first by demanding that people (especially your ex) who associate with you respect your personal space. Your success in strengthening your boundaries will depend on whether you are able to make your personal well-being your highest priority. If you are able to do that, you will be able to demand that your ex respect your boundaries and withdraw from your energy system. If they do not withdraw voluntarily, your only recourse is to sever the relationship completely and have no more contact with them energetically or physically.

Whew! It’s tough to be human.

Keith Sherwood is the author of "Chakra Therapy" and "The Art of Spiritual Healing," which have been translated in over ten languages. For over twenty-five years, he has lectured and conducted seminars and workshops throughout North America and Europe. He is the founder of onewholelove.com and publisher of Inner Awareness Magazine (IAM). Visit Mr. Sherwood at www.onewholelove.com for a singular spiritual experience! Mr. Sherwood will be participating in the New ConneXion HEALING FORUM on January 12th.