January/February 2002 Living Now
The Energetic Aftermath of A Relationship
by Keith Sherwood
Relationships can be difficult even at the best of times because
human beings are so complex. The Tantrics are fond of saying that
human beings are, “the universe in microcosm.” They’re
right, of course! Not only do human beings exist on a multitude
of dimensions (both conscious and unconscious) but each partner
brings his/her own Karmic baggage along with them into each new
relationship. Karmic baggage is the energetic sediment in the form
of ideas, beliefs, emotions, feelings and sensations a person carries
with them from one lifetime to another.
Karmic energy can be heavy, dense, self-limiting. It can restrict
love, intimacy, block bliss and even cause fatigue, depression,
anxiety and self-doubt. When Karmic energy overwhelms the human
energy system, it can even cause physical disease. Even worse, karmic
energy can become a weapon by being projected by one partner to
the other in the form of waves and/or arrows on the level of spirit,
soul and mind.
The effect of karmic projections can be particularly intense and
destructive in romantic relationships especially when one of the
partners is overtly controlling, needy, motivated primarily by desire
and/or fear or wants to change, manipulate or coerce the other partner
into changing or being what they want.
Karl Jung once said, ‘where there is the will to power, there
is an absence of love.’ I would say, the projection of karmic
energy within partnership destroys love and precludes intimacy.
If a former partner has projected modified energy into your energy
field, all you are left with after the end of the relationship are
the obsessive compulsive feelings, which are the residue of their
earlier projections.
To understand how these projections can cause symptoms such as
thinking about the former partner obsessively and feeling a strong
pull to get back together (even if you were the one to break off
the relationship and realize that the relationship was self-destructive
and negative), you must first understand a little about subtle energy.
On the subtle planes of soul, mind and spirit there are two kinds
of energy - unmodified energy, (prana, aprana, chi and the kundalini-sakti)
and modified energy, energy with qualities. Unmodified energy radiates
like the sun (on saint and sinner alike). It can’t be projected
by the human will and/or ego. And when there's a sufficient amount
within a person’s energy system, it radiates as unconditional
joy and permits complete freedom of expression.
Modified energy is quite different. It has qualities. On the emotional
level where you are most likely feeling the ”pull,” modified
energy runs the whole spectrum of emotions, both positive and negative
from pleasure to pain, joy to despair.
Given enough time, modified energy will collect in a person’s
auric field and as pressure increases it will be laid down as karmic
sediment on the surface of body space. It is this karmic sediment
(samskaras and vasanas) which over time blocks unconditional joy
from emerging from the ‘Self’ and which is carried from
one lifetime to another.
The ego and lower human mind are composed of many waves of modified
energy. When human passion is high, a person can become attached
to karmic energy already in their energy field. They can then project
it to the object of their love, desire and/or need either consciously
or unconsciously.
The modified energy projected will then intrude into the energy
field of the person targeted. The energy entering the host's energy
field has the signature of the dominant feeling of the person projecting
it. This means that once the projected energy has entered the host’s
energy field, s-he will begin to feel the feelings of the perpetrator
and obsess in the same way as the perpetrator sometimes long after
the relationship has ended.
Anyway, if in fact, a former partner has projected modified energy
into your energy field, you’re still connected to them energetically.
And as long as the former partner's energy remains stuck in your
energy field, you’ll stay connected to them and feel their
feelings and emotions and perhaps even think their thoughts. Transference
of this sort is very common and obviously very confusing to people
who are on the receiving end.
However, these obsessive feelings do not emerge from the recipient’s
energy field. Authentic feelings and emotions emerge from the chakras.
By paying close attention to your energy system, you will notice
that obsessive feelings emerge from outside your body space from
the auric field that surrounds you. This indicates that they reflect
the past not the present and were foisted upon you by someone else.
To overcome their effect you must sever the link that connects
you to your former partner on the subtle levels of energy and consciousness.
You can do this by making sure your boundaries are strong, first
by demanding that people (especially your ex) who associate with
you respect your personal space. Your success in strengthening your
boundaries will depend on whether you are able to make your personal
well-being your highest priority. If you are able to do that, you
will be able to demand that your ex respect your boundaries and
withdraw from your energy system. If they do not withdraw voluntarily,
your only recourse is to sever the relationship completely and have
no more contact with them energetically or physically.
Whew! It’s tough to be human.
Keith Sherwood is the author of "Chakra Therapy"
and "The Art of Spiritual Healing," which have
been translated in over ten languages. For over twenty-five years,
he has lectured and conducted seminars and workshops throughout
North America and Europe. He is the founder of onewholelove.com
and publisher of Inner Awareness Magazine (IAM). Visit Mr. Sherwood
at www.onewholelove.com
for a singular spiritual experience! Mr. Sherwood will be participating
in the New ConneXion HEALING FORUM
on January 12th.