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November/December 2001 Spirituality
Helping Children Deal with Scary News

by Susan Dermond

Susan Dermond

When I was growing up in the fifties, I remember walking into a room when the adults were talking in hushed tones. Of course, I asked what they were talking about.

“Oh, never mind,” was the reply. Naturally, I begged to be let in on the secret. I still remember vividly my grandmother’s answer. They were talking about a case of child abuse and she mentioned just one detail of the cruelty. It was the first moment in my life that I knew such cruelty could exist; and I emphasize that I knew it in my heart, not my mind. I felt horrified and disheartened, and have never forgotten the incident.

I appreciate my grandmother’s and mother’s concern for my feelings because it told me that my inner reaction was not odd or out of proportion to what I learned. But, I also remember wishing that they had not told me, despite my begging, simply because I hated knowing.

Children up to the age of about 11 or 12 live much more in the heart than adults do. They love inspirational stories; they naturally respond to animals and all of nature; and they can feel their kinship with all life. It is a time for the adults around them to nurture that development. Just as you wouldn’t give a knife to a three year old who doesn’t have the physical skills and ability yet to use it, you don’t necessarily give all of reality to a child who isn’t emotionally ready. Limiting children’s exposure to tragic events is certainly the best tactic, but not always possible.

Violence in the News

In the days and weeks that followed the terrorist attacks on New York, much was written about helping children deal with feelings of insecurity, fear, and confusion (from seeing media coverage or hearing adults talking about events). I have been pleased that there has been so much emphasis in allowing children to express their emotions, doubts, and fears, and to give them reassurance.

But what about redirecting the children’s energy into uplifting, creative avenues? Yes, we need to be able to talk openly and express sorrow and fear to move through or beyond it. But I would like to hear a little more about the “moving beyond it” part. I fear that many of these discussions where children get the chance to “process” their emotions end with some relief simply because the horror is addressed, but not really in a movement of the consciousness in the direction of light and positive action.

One excellent coping method is to help the children understand they can influence the world positively themselves by helping victims with donations or letters, by praying for others, and practicing acts of kindness themselves. Helping children to turn their attention to uplifting, expansive topics is another.

Turning Toward Love

I have a colleague who was teaching during the Gulf War. Because her children were watching TV coverage that they were too young to understand, they worried about being bombed. To help them focus on the positive, she created a “Count Your Blessings” bulletin board. Each day anyone who had a blessing to share (a blessing could be as small as seeing a hawk on the way to school or a fun bike ride) could write it on a flower and add it to the beautiful display of blessings in their lives.

At our school this fall our fourth, fifth, and sixth graders designed world flags to express their hopes for future harmony of all races and nations and religions. Many beautiful flags were created, for example, one in which the planet earth floated on the background of the American flag and another of the planet radiating rainbow colors into the universe.

Helping children process the “shadow side” of life through conversation and play is a valid way to deal with the dark realities that sometimes arise in our children’s lives. However, teachers and parents shouldn’t stop there, but rather think of ways to help their children express their high ideals and thus get back into the creative, loving reality that is naturally a part of childhood.

Susan Dermond is the Director of Living Wisdom School, a private elementary school, and editor of I Came from Joy, a spiritual activity book for children. On January 13, 2002, she is offering a workshop, “Raising Spiritual Children in Troubled Times.” For more information call 503 671-9112.