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September/October 2001 Spirituality
Raising Kids in the Noise of Non-Violence

by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar

Excerpts from an extemporaneous talk on youth violence at Harvard University given by Sri Sri Ravi Shankar, a spiritual teacher and the founder of the Art of Living Foundation.

If we just take a look at the children, the way they were in the schools a few decades back, and then take a look at the children today, we see some marked differences. These may provide some insight into the violence among children today.

Pride in Violence

One aspect is to see that there is no sense of shame or guilt involved with crime today. Instead, a sense of pride is attached to acts of violence. This was absent a few decades back. Violence then was associated not so much with pride, but with shame. A student used to feel ashamed to do a violent act. But today, due largely to the influence of the media, aggression has become a source of pride. The aggressive students in the classroom get more attention, and they feel proud being aggressive and angry.

When I was a student, if someone was aggressive in the classroom, others would look down on them. That student would feel very apologetic afterwards, and they would have to make it up—by being kinder and doing service in the classroom. But today, we see that aggression seems to be a way of living, a way of moving forward, a way of success, and a source of pride in children. This, in a very subtle way, encourages violence. When aggression and violence are promoted in society, human values diminish.

Today, certain movies and modern music glorify frustration, anger and revenge, and make these status symbols and role models for children. We need to counteract this influence. A sense of shame has to be connected with anger and violence. We need to promote human values, especially love, compassion and a sense of belonging, loud and clear.

Dealing with Emotions

Basically in the teenage years, from about 15 to 20, there is much emotional turmoil and turbulence happening within. If the teenager doesn’t find a way to express these emotions, they are stuck with them, and these emotions ferment and become violence.

Neither at school nor at home have we taught our kids how to handle their own emotions. Any amount of counseling, talking, reading books does not help, because it is all working at an intellectual level. But when emotions arise, they come like a storm; they overtake us—our intellect, our concepts, our ideas. So what to do?

We can compare emotions with the owner of a house; and the intellect or concepts are like the gatekeeper. The gatekeeper will stop someone from coming from outside, but if the owner of the house comes in and goes out, the gatekeeper cannot do anything about it, because the gatekeeper is being paid by the owner! Counseling is dealing with the gatekeeper or the watchman. It is not really dealing with the owner of the house, who is in control. Emotions are more in control of our life than our intellect.

So how do you tackle these emotions?

The Importance of the Breath

The breath is one thing. Have you noticed that there is definite rhythmic pattern of breath associated with every emotion? Joy, frustration, sadness, jealousy, and greed all have definite rhythmic breathing patterns. Just as in the acting field where we can use the breath to show our emotions, we can, in the same way, utilize the breath to calm down the emotions, too.

Certain breathing techniques can be learned that are powerful tools in which every cell of our body becomes energized, and impressions of aggression get released, leaving one calm and serene afterwards.

A Sense of Belonging

The second thing is lack of a sense of belonging. We have developed a program for the children called A.R.T. Excel (All Round Training in Excellence). In this program, I ask the child to make one new friend every day. If a child is unable to be friendly with 30 to 40 children in a classroom, how are they going to be friendly when they get out of school? We must teach the basic values: how to be friendly with everybody, how to have a sense of belonging with everyone.

Standing in Someone Else’s Shoes

A third thing is to have a child step out of their shoes and get into someone else’s shoes, and see from there. See the other person’s point of view. Here also I give another exercise to the children. Suppose they say they hate someone very much. I would tell them, “okay, behave like those whom you hate for just 15 minutes, half an hour, half a day…” And they suddenly realize the person whom they hate is loveable too.

Increasing Self-Esteem

A deep sense of regret and low self-esteem is another cause of aggression. Telling a child continually, “You are no good makes a child lose their self-esteem and become more aggressive. We need to bring up their self-esteem.

Smiling Through Criticism

And the fifth aspect is to help them see that nothing can take away your self-respect. Suppose someone makes a comment about you. A child should have the ability to criticize boldly and also to withstand any criticism that is given to them, in whatever manner. This opens them up to such a strength within themselves that they are able to move through any ragging or teasing they may happen to encounter.

A Sense of Humor

A sense of humor is very important, and helps children handle teasing. Inculcate a sense of humor in children, so they develop the ability to turn an adverse situation to their advantage by bringing humor into it. You will often find that those children who do not have a sense of humor are more aggressive.

Physical Activity

Often children who do not engage in some physical activity, who play video games or sit with very little physical activity, are more prone to violence than those who do a lot of physical activity. So we should take care that a child does enough swimming, exercise or gymnastics.

Food

Another aspect is children’s food habits. Research has shown that when they eat too much sugar or drink too many carbonated drinks, they become restless and aggressive. When a person feels aggressive, he breathes faster because the system needs more oxygen. You see, by nature our system is made to breathe out carbon dioxide, but we are pumping carbon dioxide into water and drinking it as soft drinks. In the process of breathing faster everything tenses, and that comes out as aggression. So healthy food habits also play a role in causing a person to become less violent.

The Noise of Non-Violence

Often violence comes with noise. Non-violence happens in silence. People who are violent make a huge noise; they make it known. People who are non-violent are quiet. But the time has come for people who are violent to make noise so that the violence will quiet down. The message of non-violence has to come loud and clear so that it can be heard from a young age.

We need to attend to all these eight factors in order to promote non-violence among young people today. Parents and educators need to place greater emphasis on human values, including compassion, service to society and an understanding of how precious all life is.

Art of Living Foundation is an international nonprofit educational, humanitarian and service organization with centers in over 100 countries. It is based on the teachings of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar. The Foundation offers The ART Excel program (All Round Training for Excellence) for children and teens between the ages of 8-18. For further information, please call Kathy Sias at 503-640-8094. www.artofliving.org